What are we really searching for?
In this age of social media, technology and the internet, we have everything we could wish to desire at our finger tips.
Do you want to know what the exchange rate is? Google it.
Do you want to know just how often during the Twilight Saga two or more “actors” are just staring at each other? Check out today’s Uberfact on your Twitter feed (It’s 24 minutes FYI…..24 bloomin’ minutes….unbelievable!!!)
Are you going to restlessly toss and turn in your bed tonight, unable to sleep, without knowing what that guy, a word in the flesh you’ve never actually uttered to, who was 3 years younger than you at high school had for his supper tonight? Fear not and step away from the NyQuil, Facebook’s news stream holds the answer to all your troubles.
Are you a little lonely? Want to meet some new people? Maybe dance a little romance? You can…em…eh?..well you could do an online search for….em….I don’t know really…
Hold on a second while I do a quick Google search:
How+not+to+be+lonely…search! Wait a minute……what the hell am I doing???
^ That IS the line. If you’ve found yourself a little too caught up in “nocial media” and needed to draw one. But, of course, it is ridiculously ignorant to take the technological age of wonder we live in for granted.
I would be bold enough to stake the claim that at no other point in history have humans been subject to such an enormous jump in day-to-day life, and we may never see such a jump again in our lifetime. If you’re not happy with that shout, just put your smart phone down for like an hour and go talk to the first old person you can find. They often frequent park benches, restaurant booths (Cracker Barrel is crawling with golden oldies), bingo halls, pubs during daylight hours, corner shops, and garden centres (especially the ones with tearooms). Grab your grandparents, even your parents, and it won’t take very long to see just how far we have come in precious little time at all. It is terrifyingly exhilarating to think about. Where will we go next? What will be the next advance? Will we ever see something so revolutionary again? Just imagine the next “Internet”. It’s going to be mind-blowing if we are lucky enough, or unlucky enough if that be the case, to witness it.
We abuse technology. The impact of technology has completely changed the way we interact as humans, and, on the whole, it’s safe to say we have definitely lost something as a result. For everything we’ve gained, we have traded in socializing for nocializing*.
*Nocializing: the art of being engrossed in your smartphone world while ignoring those in your company and refusing to partake in the social setting one finds themselves in.
It’s not necessarily our fault, but we do need to be more careful to take a step back, breathe and swipe the off switch every now and again.
Here is a great little game to start to cull the nocializers: If you’re out for to eat with friends, everybody puts his or her phone in a pile on the table, and the first one to look at his or her phone pays for the bill.
It’s a sure fire way to force people to be ever-present while they are with their nearest and dearest. We need to be smart users of smartphones to ensure that we aren’t reduced to only singing the song of love with cyber ringtones.
When harnessed correctly, technology is an incredible blessing when your mind and your heart are somewhere your fingertips can’t quite touch. We are able to send a message, receive a reply, respond again and then send a cheeky emoji quicker than you can boil a kettle. A guest speaker in my undergraduate PR class said it beautifully.
Knoxville PR stalwart, Shane Rhyne, summed it up beautifully, “Some people say we are in the ‘Wild West’ of social media, but I think they are wrong, we can’t even see the map yet.”
It is remarkable where we are, even before we’ve made any real moves toward the Great Frontier. Skype, Voxer, Snapchat, What’sApp, Twitter, Facebook, Gmail, Vine etc all allow us to play a rather impressively active part in those lives around the world that we can’t just pop round and see. If you use it wisely, you and your significant other can make the impossible uspossible. You can make the unreachable reachable. You can throw am extra log on the fire to keep it burning without ever having to chop down a tree.
It’s amazing what we can do. The other side of the coin is the impact of cyber relationships. The temptation of the internet’s more risque side. You can build a relationship online with whoever you want, whenever you want, at the click of a button. The exposure of sex in the media, on MTV, in the movies, among the celebrity circles, all amounts in a particular core group of expectations and ideals people have for their love life. Now, there is nothing wrong with this, each to their own, different strokes for different folks, and all that. If it works for you then more power to you my friend. However, if it doesn’t, there are other things out there and that should give hope to the hopeless and a loving home to the homeless.
Outside of this modern staple of sex appeal and sexpectations that the majority of people hold proudly and chase, there are two ends of the spectrum. There are those who don’t believe in love. Those who maybe don’t believe in relationships. The “no woman, no cry” bunch. Those who can function without it.
Then, there are those who do. There are those who wear their love proudly on their sleeve for the world to see. I have a friend who is very open about their love, maybe a little too open for the society we live in to handle, but it works for them in their relationship and that is all that matters. That is why I salute it! More power to you! I hope you never lose that feeling, and for those who criticize this loved-up couple for it, I hope you get to taste that feeling at least once in your life, whether you shout aboutit or not, because when you find someone you are willing to shout from the rooftops about no matter what people think, you’re living the Disney notion of love that so many people talk about and chase, but too often fall far short of in actuality. I read an article the other day that summed it up beautifully. Too many of us in our relationships are living with “Disney in our minds, tragedies in our lives.”
Read the whole thing if you can afford the 5 minutes it takes to get through. That last line really hit me in this article blew my mind. It is very powerful, yet wonderfully to the point. That really is what it’s all about. I have a very wonderful and beautiful wee lady to thank for sending me the link to this article, and it was a fantastic read (Another shining example of great use of the technology we have!).
So what are we all really searching for?
someone to laugh with,
someone to share the best of life and the worst of life,
someone who you literally can’t picture your life without them being apart of it (and not in the “I can’t live without you” mushy gushy way),
someone who becomes a part of you,
someone who you see in your future,
someone you almost see as a permanent part of you right now,
someone who makes up the other half of you,
someone who you are the other half of,
beyond the word “love”, beyond all the kisses, beyond any gift or present, someone who you mutually intertwine with,
someone to make all your strengths stronger,
someone to blunt and dull all your weaknesses,
someone who you can fearlessly give everything,
someone you can give everything to and receive everything they are willing to give you back,
someone who is irreplaceable.
It doesn’t seem like a whole lot to ask for, does it? And I’ll let you in on a little secret, when you find someone who embodies all these things you never thought you’d ever be able to find and who you can be a someone for too, it is the gift that keeps on giving.
I am a cog. We are all a part of a whole. We are all searching for that one piece missing piece for our machines. Every mechanism is one cog away from working perfectly. I am a cog. I found another cog who isn’t almost a perfect fit. The cog I found is a perfwct fit, and that’s the only thing that will ever make my clock tick. I am a cog.
Frightened Rabbit, one of the most incredibly powerful, honest, close to the bone, and beautifully raw bands to come out of Scotland in recent years, say everything I think about the game of love in a nutshell.
The approach to love that litters the dance floors across Scotland: “My hole, I’ll get my hole, I’ll get my hole /
Get my hole, get my hole and I’ll find out more”
But, once you find out more, you find out that:
“You won’t find love in a
Won’t find love in a hole
It takes more than f*cking someone
To keep yourself warm.”
This is it. You won’t find love in a “whole”. I am a cog. If every cog is looking for in a hole to make their machine and their heart feel whole, the chances of happiness are reduced tenfold.
You need to find your cog, and, when you do, you might just feel like you could take on the world and win. You might start to actually believe you could conquer anything and come out on top. After finding the whole package, give me 12 rounds in the ring with The Internet himself — a colossal heavyweight — and I fancy my chances. That’s what makes me whole. It’s finding someone else who makes you feel invincible. It is exhilarating!!!
So go forth, talk to old people, listen to Frightened Rabbit and ask yourself one of the most important questions going the next time you get your glad rags on and crack open the bottle in preparation for hitting the club, the pub, the Joe, the house party, or the back alley down to the den:
What am I really searching for?
Ask yourself this and don’t be afraid of the place asking this question may take you. Actually, while we’re at it, seeing as you have your smartphone handy, why not text your mate and ask them too. You might just get the most delectable surprise.
Make Tiny Changes To Earth